From the Trib:

Holy shit.

Mine subsidence?

Or GRABOIDS?!?!!?

Yikes.

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While watching the Cincinnati game, TJ Houshyaddayadda pops on screen:

Brother In Law:  He looks like a runway model.

Family of PittGirl:  [blink] [blink] [BLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

Yuck.

He tried to clarify that by “runway model” he meant, “you know, ugly.”

Right.

That particular BIL is color-blind so maybe he can’t see fug really well in his weird world.

Before we get on with the recap, reader Christy was at the game and wanted us to see what the Jaguars call their stadium clothing store:

Jagwear.  HAHAHAHAH!

HAHAHAHAH!

Jagoffs.

Also, she wrote:

Oh, AND we saw Lukey at the game (p.s., he was sitting behind me…thought he might want to “move that ticket forward”…he he)!  He was also on our shuttle from the stadium back to the lots a few miles away.  I might be mistaken, but does that guy seriously have a bodyguard of some sort?  Whatever…

That’s how he rolls.

Moving on, in light of all the awesome movie quotes you guys gave in the 717 comments to the Steelers ticket posts, let’s get on with the game recap, movie style.

1.  Again, the first part of the game was scary.  Scary bad.  NOTHING was going right, not even for Hines Ward who I think dropped what?  Three passes?  Yikes.

(Dumb and Dumber)

2.  Skippy Skeeve is still kicking 100%, but got hurt and there was no shortage of fans willing to volunteer to nurse him back to health.

(Dude, Where’s My Car?)

3.  The Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross was intercepted, the O-line was porous, the running backs were hitting walls.  The Jaguars were eating us alive.

(Silence of the Lambs)

4.  Then.  Things started going wrong for the Jags.

(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

5.  Benny was suddenly on fire.  Hitting numbers, throwing spot-on fades, evading sacks and converting.  He was a one-man show!

(A Chorus Line)

6.  The Fug Bunnies LOVED it and they let it show.

OMG.  It’s a thing!

7. An aside:  the roughing the passer call on Harrison was total, absolute, 100% bullshit.

8. Another aside:  The Asshat cannot return a punt to save his giant penis.

9.  Mewelde Moore ran like he had something to prove, the O-Line held the Jags to only three sacks, which, come on … HUGE improvement, Troysus prayed, towels waved, enemy defeated.

(The Wizard of Oz)

10.  And Mike Tomlin can now give a giant “Nyah!” to Bob Smizik for his “mediocre” comment.

(The Titanic)

Indeed, you are.

Tags: Ben Roethlisberger, Luke Ravenstahl, Steelers, Troy Polamalu

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While I’m once again trying to find time to write What They’re Really Thinking, why don’t you enjoy what reader James Foreman called “the best (worst?) LARP (Live Action Role Play) picture ever.”

Let’s go with AWESOME-EST!

(from Bifford the Youngest’s Photo Stream)

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1.  Yesterday, the family, including Ohio Sister, gathered at Mother and Father of PittGirl’s house to watch football and hockey and eat S’mores around the fire.  I should tell you that Ohio Sister is a world-class S’mores maker.  She slow roasts the marshmallows over the very top of the fire.  This cooks that sucker all the way to the inside ensuring that the marshmallow melts the chocolate.  Then she puts peanut butter on the S’more for an orgasm on graham crackers.

Anyway:

As the hockey game was starting and the six hundred anthems were being sung:

PittGirl: Hey, Pens Fan?  I had a reader email me this week and tell me how hot and attractive she finds Tyler Kennedy.

Pens Fan: Was it Miss Piggy?

Pens Fan is such a snarky bitch.

2.  Sage advice from LaMont Jones about buying a winter coat:

• Try on a coat before buying it. Always.

Brilliant!

3.  Skippy Skeeve got his own show! The Jeff Reed Show!

One of his co-hosts is LauRen Merola.

Now, Burghers, I did not stutter on the shift key.  That’s how she spells her name.  Not Lauren.  LauRen.

Also, listed as LauRen’s first thing she enjoys: Spinning.

Spinning!

Awesome.

Check out her MySpace because boys, I think you’re gonna like it.  Except for her profile picture.  Why is she standing like that?

(h/t J who tells me the promo video is painful to watch.)

4.  Screw it.  Forget models on the Skippy Skeeve Show who love to spin and who have six kajillion pictures of them looking like pure hot sex.

The next Smokin’ Hot Burgher is NOT LauRen.

It’s ‘Snot Rocket Science.

5.  Readers all over are sending me pictures to support their belief that Maxime Talbot is smokin’ hot.  I must admit that he gets more and more attractive every day.

I think I need to stop drinking.

6.  Reader Addie won the Steelers/Giants tickets when I drew number 115 via Randomizer.

If I don’t hear back from Addie in 24 hours, I’ll draw a new number.

Dom at ineedtwo.com tells me that he will have other tickets for giveaway for other games this season, so maybe next time will be your lucky day.

Tags: LaMont Jones, Pittsburgh Penguins, Steelers

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I am a bad American.

I’m not spitting on soldiers or stabbing puppies with flag pins or anything, but I have completely tuned out anything election-related.

Commercial on the radio for ANY candidate?  I’ll switch the channel immediately and listen to an REO Speedwagon song before I’ll hear another “… and I approve this message.”

I don’t want to watch a debate; I don’t want to hear a commercial that’s probably mostly false; I don’t want to know what any candidate did prior to 1975; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and ask me who I’m voting for; I don’t want you to call me on the phone and use a recorded voice to encourage me to vote for your candidate; I don’t want you to call my house seven times a day and hang up when I answer the phone because dudes, I can Google your stupid number and find your ass.

I don’t want your flag pin, your free pencils, your school-ruler giveaway, or your stupid purple balloons.  Don’t dial my number, knock on my door, or type my email address. I don’t want you to stop me on the sidewalk and ask me if I’m registered to vote.

I’m not following you on Twitter and your emails are flagged to go straight to hell.  I’ll not be swayed by a falsehood, a commercial, a mispronunciation, a pundit, a headline, or a rearranging of the facts.  Not even a celebrity threatening to leave the country, because I’m too smart to be all MY GOD, HOW WILL WE SURVIVE AS A PEOPLE IF THAT EGOMANIAC DOESN’T RESIDE IN AMERICA!?

I don’t want to see a donkey, an elephant, a donkey kicking an elephant, an elephant pooping on a donkey, a red state, a blue state, an online poll, or a even a frickin’ check mark.

Call it Decision 2008 or Election 2008 or You Decide 2008 or Vote, Damn It 2008.

Call it what you want, but I’m calling it “enough.”

I made up my mind a long time ago.

I’m writing in Hillary Clinton.

Just kidding.

But somewhere, my father just grabbed his chest and screamed, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

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You want to win Steelers tickets?

Leave a comment and tell me how awesome I am.

I kid.

Up for grabs are two “kickass” (Dom’s word) tickets to the Steelers/Giants game at Heinz Field on October 26 courtesy of Dom at www.ineedtwo.com.

So here’s how this is going to work:

1. Just leave a comment to this post by clicking on the word “comments” at the very bottom of this post, and hell, let’s give you something to say, shall we? What is your favorite movie line of all time and what movie did it come from?  And please, don’t be embarrassed if your favorite movie line is, “We ask ourselves, is she black? Is she white? We don’t care. She’s exotic. I want to see more of her breasts.” from Glitter. We’ll only laugh at you behind your back.
2. When you leave a comment, you’re entered.  Please only one entry per email address.
3. If you don’t use a real email address, you won’t get the email telling you that you won and how to go about getting the tickets from Dom.
4. You have until noon on Monday to leave a comment.  At 12:01 p.m. on Monday, I will use randomizer.org to draw a random number and that number comment will be the winner.
5. If your comment doesn’t show up or gets spam-blocked, email me right away so that I can fix that for you.
6. Family of PittGirl, PittGirl, Woy, and Ken Rice are not eligible to win the tickets.
7. Once the winner is picked, an email will be sent from me notifying that person.  If you are that person, you will have 24 hours to respond or a new winner will be picked.
8. I’ve never done this before, so If I’ve forgotten anything let me know and I’ll update.

Good luck!

Comment away.

Tags: Steelers

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Ya think?!

Join us next week for PNC’s next unnecessary survey:

PNC survey:  People like having money.

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1.  It is a beautiful sunny/purple cloudy/blue sky kind of day here in the Burgh.  Chilly.  Brisk.  A great day for the first turtleneck of the season.  I would also say a great day for the first do-me boots of the season, but alas, I am still WiiCrippled and that means no four-inch heels for me.  I’m in my three-inchers today.

Despite the fact that I am in extreme pain from my yoga injury and despite the fact that my arm is kind of going numb, I still WiiFitted last night for 45 minutes because I hadn’t for three days and I didn’t want to know what Fitty would say if I waited any longer.

So yesterday I got a, “Why, if it isn’t PittGirl!” from Fitty.  Jerk.

And to top it off, WiiSteve didn’t even want to work out with me.  He put that loser chick trainer in to sub for him.  Probably out partying with the Miis.

Now that I can no longer lift my arms above my shoulders, I’m thinking I might need to seek professional back-cracking, neck-snapping, scream-inducing help.

2.  Dom over at ineedtwo.com wanted to say thank you to the readers of The Burgh Blog for using his site to purchase tickets.  As you know, Dom has hooked me up on several occasions to not just Steelers tickets, but also concert tickets, including fourth row seats for Jeff Dunham.

So, Dom says he’d like to give away some Steelers tickets!  We’re having a Steelers ticket giveaway here at The Burgh Blog.  Two tickets for the October 26 game versus the Giants.

More details coming.

3.  The Angry Drunk Bureaucrat give his suggestions for improving the city’s contract approval process.  Including:

(2) Post all contracts over a certain amount online. In order to make the contracts more interesting, however, hide suduko games, word searches, or geocaching locations in the online versions. Or, perhaps turn them into online mad-libs.

The mandatory [NOUN] fee will be [VERB] on a [ADJECTIVE] basis, with each [NOUN] period expiring at the end of each Quarterly Period during the [NOUN]

I’m picking “fart,” “fart,” “farting,” “fart,” and “spatula.”

HAH!

4.  Reader PittCheMBA wrote:

Hi PittGirl, I tried to post a comment about your post about Max Talbot, but my comment would not save, so I am e-mailing you. The phenomena is called “Puck Bunny”. From Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puck_bunny, A puck bunny is a female ice hockey fan, often one whose interest in the sport is primarily motivated by sexual attraction to the players rather than enjoyment of the game itself.

The same can be said for Big Ben, except you would probably call them “FUG Bunnies”.

This is genius.  Dear Benny Minions?  Now instead of just being his minions, you are hereby branded The Fug Bunnies.

You’re welcome.

5. Best Buccos of Suckitude cartoon ever? Quite.  Possibly.

(h/t Goob)

6. Some guy named Phil Rosenstein, who was born in Pittsburgh, is running, yes RUN-NING from Santa Monica, CA to Atlantic City, all to raise awareness and funds for The Mario Lemieux Foundation.

As of September 25, he has run over 1,500 miles of his 3,300 mile journey.

I’ve never ran more than a mile in my life and don’t believe I could run two miles even with a flock of pigeons on my ass being urged on by The Dread Lord himself.

Phil will be in Pittsburgh sometime in November, as you can see here.

7.  What my best college friend from Cincinnati is going to find in his inbox later today.  Mwah-haha!

(h/t Mike and Charlie)

8. Newlin Archinal has left WPXI (been kicked out?) to be replaced with this plastic Barbie who looks like she could be Tiffany Thiessen’s mom.

9.  Finally, some What The Effies:

• Good God, people are sick.
• And very very weird.
• Here’s a gamer that wants us to know he hopes the fact that he larps doesn’t scare you off.  And I was all WTF is larps?  Sounds like how a cat drinks milk from a bowl.  But that can’t be it.   So I Googled it.  Live Action Role Play.  Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

This is a future Big Bang Theory script for sure.

And I don’t know why, but suddenly I can’t get the word “shrubbery” out of my head.

Awesome.

Tags: Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Penguins, Pittsburgh Pirates

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In what appears to be a cry for new content, the P-G has written an entire article on the proponents and detractors of the color yellow-green that is popping up on construction workers, road signs, and crossing guards.

Or if you’re reading in preschool, that would actually not be your Yellow-Green Crayon but would be your Inch Worm Crayon.  You’re welcome, kiddo.  PittGirl loves you.

Ms. Eiseman of Pantene says the color — the hottest of the greens — has so much pop because it is such a saturated hue. Maybe too saturated in her view. “I get it, but of all the greens available to choose from, my choice would be a little more subtle, not so in-your-face, knock-your-socks-off green.”

Yeah!  Put something subtle on there, maybe the color of a tree or a bush.  So I can run over kiddies and knock their socks right off of their feet.  Screw the kiddies!  Please my eyeballs!

Ms. Dutka uses a muted version — an apple green — in decorating and loves it. But she is not sure if the color would cross over to fashion. “I don’t care what color your hair is, fluorescent lime green is not going to do much for anybody.”

Except Lukey.

…

…

…

Also, LaMont Jones in the Chartreuse Hip-Huggers is the new Rickroll.  Spread the word.

Tags: LaMont Jones, Luke Ravenstahl

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Reader Jenn wrote in an email with the subject of “New Nominee for Smokin’ Hot Burgher”:

Hi Pittgirl!

Max Talbot. Please?

And I was like, Max Talbot?

Geico caveman Max Talbot?!

Jesus Max Talbot?

Oh, heck no!  I’ll name Steely McBeam a hot Burgher before I name Max Talbot!

Jenn offered up proof from the P-G’s Empty Netters blog because apparently Shelly Anderson is a lucky bitch and got to go to Sweden with the team.  Here’s the photo I’m going to lift from the P-G and hope they don’t tell me to take it down for at least ten years:

Holy crap!  Max Talbot looks superfine in those glasses and it takes some serious hots to pull off the unicorn look.

However, one hot photo does not a Smokin’ Hot Burgher make.  But I’ve got my eye on him now.

Also, Tyler Kennedy has an unfortunate nose.

That is all.

Tags: Pittsburgh Penguins

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